Why is it such a struggle to write? I’m not talking about people writing in general, but me specifically. It is a cruel joke that my best ideas and trains of thought come when I am lying in bed and about to fall asleep. It is as if the dam has broken and my mind is flooded with witty reflections on any and all subjects. I can mentally scribe a fabulous narrative about what lesson’s I’ve learned since turning 30, my thoughts on my first world struggle with growing a following on one’s Instagram account that she tells herself isn’t that important to her (but kinda is), I can even generate inspired post plans that I promise myself I’ll remember in the morning. If only there was some kind of mental recorder in my brain to capture all these wonderful thoughts because, like my dreams in the night, they completely vanish by morning and I’m left with nothing but a feeling that I’ve forgotten something great…
I started this blog at a time in my life where I was thoroughly unsatisfied with my current day job and finding myself going through a toxic cycle of eat, sleep, work, repeat. It was something that I had always envisioned myself doing and I figured in the end, why not? I had nothing to lose, I didn’t have to tell anyone I was doing it (but I did), and I needed and WANTED another focus in my life that was positive and creative and most of all would be something that I was in control of.
But writing this blog has never really come that easily to me. The only posts that I can comfortably sit down and write are the ‘Behind the Scenes’ posts which are really just a sharing session. They are the posts I can write where I’m not analyzing my thoughts to turn them into a product review, I don’t have to do any in-depth research to support my ideas and I can really just talk straight from the convoluted recesses of my mind.
I wonder what it is like for those naturally gifted with stringing words into wonderful sentences. My husband is incredible a turning a tale into an epic story (creative bastard), and I often tell him he needs a blog of his own to share that gift with the world. If only I had his creative genius for writing but my drive to blog, I could be the next Man Repeller (hahaha not really).
I know the more I write, and the more frequently I do it, I’ll become better and more relaxed about it, but that’s just as helpful as saying you get fit when you go to the gym. You actually have to do it. I haven’t developed enough self-discipline to sit down and write frequently enough so that it comes more naturally.
But therein lies a clue…perhaps what I am writing about is not right for me….perhaps I need to branch out and give myself the opportunity to really let go about the topics I reflect upon. Because the irony of all this is that I have churned out this post about the struggles of writing so quickly that it makes a mockery of the fact my topic is about how I struggle to write…Have I contributed to your day in a positive way through this post? It’s unlikely. Or perhaps I have and you too experience the same struggles with writing as me (yay we”re not alone!). Perhaps writing really can come easily to me but I haven’t been writing about the right things? Perhaps I have now just realised as a blogger (can I call myself a writer though?) that I am ready to branch out and create new and different content. Maybe I should set a new goal to just sit down at the computer and start typing whatever comes into my head and see where my thoughts take me? I mean, isn’t that almost what I am doing when I lay down to sleep? Letting my thoughts roam wherever they please? Mercifully, my typing skills are good enough that I can sit down and type with my eyes shut and almost recreate that environment of being asleep. Perhaps I’ll wear my eye mask… Perhaps my next post will be about wearing an eye mask while I’m writing and we’ll see where that takes us…
Who knows where I’m going to go next if I just let myself write on a whim, but I can tell you one thing. If it brings back my ability to get thoughts onto a page I am going to do it. And I hope you find it something worth reading 🙂